Authenticity Between Worlds

Our lives are marked by those living being and locations that become parts of our lives and our selves. Events also impact on our lives, like waves against the cliff face, eroding the rock until it tumbles into the water, creating a new space.

My life has involved some changes recently. Back in April I started working a job that I absolutely love and earlier this month I married my best friend, who is someone I’ve loved intensely and been loved by intensely for 10 1/2 years.

Both of these life events aren’t ones that fit the anarchist/radical cliches of acceptable things to celebrate sure, but I honestly don’t care about that. The notion that anarchists have to stick to rules and conventions regarding what an anarchist can or can’t do I’ve always found to be bullshit. Most of the radicals and anarchists I’ve encountered who feel the need to reject things they want that don’t fit the anarchist-aesthetics of totalitarian-liberalism tend to be the most repressive and socially conservative people I know. So this is why when I got a message from a friend (who is a Tory boy posh as fuck twat who I enjoy predominantly because he is interesting as a history nerd) saying “so you’re an anarchist who loves his job and got married. Civilisation can’t be too bad can it ;)”, I felt sad. Not sad because the idiot friend was being an idiot, but because people in the same world of discourse and actions as me and my peers/contemporaries had created this oppressive/repressive set of self-imposed chains and that now I felt the need to say something about this.

I’d already shared a little bit on my day job, which is in child-care and predominantly involves a great deal of play, educational activities, video games, cleaning and tidying and is a lot of fun, in my post Between Joy And Despair. In my book Feral Consciousness I comment briefly on workerism and like many within this world of thought/discourse, I find the notion of needing to be a cog in the machine I hate to exist something truly awful, but I’m not going to deny that I love my job, which contributes very little to the production-narratives of this culture and is basically taking care of kids who’s lives have been awful, due to the production-narratives of this culture. And if you know me you’ll know I’m a big kid myself anyway, when I’m not raging over civilisation and depressing people with eco-collapse stuff, so there is very little I could realistically provide the production-narratives of this culture – as before kids can be part of that narrative they must be rendered adults and my becoming-adult wasn’t exactly “normal”.

As for my getting married, my wife is my best friend and has been one of the most liberating forces throughout my life. She has been there for me in the darkest time and shared in the most joyous ones with me. She has supported me in my personal projects and always encouraged me to stay true to my authentic self and not repress myself due to social pressures. And I’ve seen the stress that many “sexually-liberated” people undergo, with the pressures of poly and swinging lifestyles seeming to me far more a cage of required deviance. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not stating that people who authentically feel the way they do and embrace their authentic desires, which might be considered “sexually deviant” to someone of a traditional social conservatism, are encaging themselves through seeking to live as they authentically desire. All I’m saying is that those who I’ve encountered who feel the need to actively put themselves in those lifestyles outside of actual desire to do so and in some kind of obligation to do so, appear to encage themselves. For myself, the long and short of it is that I love my wife and we have done something that makes us both happy; and in a world going to ruin thing that produce joy are invaluable.

This isn’t being written as a means of justifying myself to the Tory twat friend, or anyone reading, as I honestly don’t give a fuck about what people think of my life choices. This is being written as a means of encouraging anyone who hates this culture to not feel shame in enjoying aspects of this culture within their own lives where they find wildness permeating through. As I wrote about in Feral Consciousness, civilisation cannot repress wildness for any amount of time without life flowing into the mechinic body at any point available to it, be it through mold, the weather, childish play or two (or however many you actually desire) in love.


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