In My Great And Unmatched Wisdom

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I have realised that the pyramids were built by dinosaurs.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I know that on the 8th day God regretted not wearing a condom.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I have found that the only ethical diet is conscientious cannibalism.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

It has been revealed to me that Brexit is when the aliens are gonna return the Atlantans.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

It has become apparent to me that governments often do not cool stuff and that businesses tend to be crappy.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Tom Hanks is an overrated actor.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I know that humanity and fish can coexist peacefully.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I am here to tell you that there’s a entire generation of children who are going to be failed YouTube stars.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I am aware that the greatest rebels, anarchists and freedom fighters, are non-humans.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I have realised that Christmas is not at the root of all evil, but is a communist plot to brainwash children into worshiping red men who encourage sharing gifts.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I have come to know that just because you’ve taken psychedelics doesn’t mean you’ve got something interesting to say.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Pee is stored in the balls.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Evolution is a theory.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Spongebob Squarepants is a documentary.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Horses, donkeys and zebra are the same animal in different outfits.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Geometry is a theory.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

It has been revealed to me that colourful hair and clothes are not an adequate replacement for a personality.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

An octopus is a type of cat and a cat should be called a quadropus.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

A horsefly is not a good stead to ride into battle.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

I have come to know that the moon is a conspiracy.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

Peace supports violence, so being peaceful enables violence, and being harmless means you’re not a threat – being destructive allows space to be calm and gentle.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

People who are insecure about whether or not they are Nazis will go out of their way to tell you Hitler was bad.

In my great and unmatched wisdom:

You don’t make a potato a jacket potato by cooking it while wearing a jacket or by clothing it in a jacket

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